Family Problems

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timtoborne
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Family Problems

Post by timtoborne » Tue Apr 21, 2015 9:38 am

My dad loves to yell at me. That's about all he does, and before I would respond with frightened disobedience, but this time was different. I was sick of his shit. He's been doing nothing but putting me down for 17 years, and all those times I wanted to say something had built up so much that when he started calling me names, I started right back. My mother saw that I was upset and tried to stop him from yelling, like she always does, and my Dad tried to shut her down by playing innocent with her, like he always does. I shit you not, after he'd already called me a "fat lazy fuck" several times because I called in sick for work, when it didn't warrant a hospital visit, he then tried to get my mother on my side by saying, "You need to support me in this." By this time, my mother was pissed off at my father for multiple reasons, he was verbally abusing me for no real reason, making my younger brothers upset, (and later blaming that on me), and now trying to get her on his side.

tl;dr: I hate my father, and I no longer respect him because he's an asshole.
Steam is BLU_Collar, PSN is GGLinear, and my LoL account name is Somber Rites.

It's been years since I've spoken with any of you, but if you ever want to play or just talk, feel free to contact me.
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Tokengekko
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Tokengekko » Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:28 am

timtoborne wrote:Im a teenager
Fixed that for ya,

welcome to a natural part of life just don't get too wrapped up in how you view things and try to see things from your parents perspective as well. Remember your parents are human too, no body is perfect. People can be assholes now and again. However you should reflect on your own actions as well.
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Ian7
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Ian7 » Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:53 am

Everyone's Dad says awful shit to them at some point. It's just something you and your Dad have to work through. Saying you no longer respect your Father because of this instance is kind of ridiculous in my opinion. Have you guys talked about this incident since it happened? When both of you were level headed and calmed down? My Dad has blown up on me and I've blown up on him. But we try now that we are both older to talk things out with level heads.

Dads are not mind readers, he will never know how you are feeling unless you talk to him.
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pinkle
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Re: Family Problems

Post by pinkle » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:51 pm

If he's been acting like that your whole life, then yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Nobody is perfect but that still doesn't excuse being a bully, especially to your kids...
Image
"OK, try to imagine yourself in the J2 Server... You get your first look at this "Pinkle" as you enter a clearing. She moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing her flamethrower. And you keep still because you think that maybe her visual acuity is based on movement like Johnny5 - She'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Pinkle. You stare at her, and she just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the Hippie and Wolsky you didn't even know were there. Because Pinkle's a pack hunter, you see, she uses coordinated attack patterns and she is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... A barbed-wired-wrapped fire axe, The Axetinguisher, in her left hand. She doesn't bother to headshot you like a Porkbun, say... no no. She lights you and slashes at you here, or here... Or maybe across the belly, critting your intestines. The point is, you are alive when she starts to rape you. So you know, try to show a little respect..." -- 3Ducks
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Ian7 » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:52 pm

pinkle wrote:If he's been acting like that your whole life, then yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Nobody is perfect but that still doesn't excuse being a bully, especially to your kids...
Valid but he's gonna keep acting like that until you confront him as an adult and as a man. With your thoughts well planned out and with a level head.
Confrontation is the only way to change anything. Especially person to person interactions.
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Re: Family Problems

Post by pinkle » Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:58 pm

yeah I was just thinking, try to talk to him about it... if he's still an ass, then the only thing I can think of is try to distance yourself and move out asap. Don't need that kind of negativity in your life! I can imagine it being difficult when it's your parents, though. Good luck, mang.
Image
"OK, try to imagine yourself in the J2 Server... You get your first look at this "Pinkle" as you enter a clearing. She moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing her flamethrower. And you keep still because you think that maybe her visual acuity is based on movement like Johnny5 - She'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Pinkle. You stare at her, and she just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the Hippie and Wolsky you didn't even know were there. Because Pinkle's a pack hunter, you see, she uses coordinated attack patterns and she is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... A barbed-wired-wrapped fire axe, The Axetinguisher, in her left hand. She doesn't bother to headshot you like a Porkbun, say... no no. She lights you and slashes at you here, or here... Or maybe across the belly, critting your intestines. The point is, you are alive when she starts to rape you. So you know, try to show a little respect..." -- 3Ducks
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Dangit Spongebobby!
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Dangit Spongebobby! » Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:14 pm

Could you have gone to work despite being a little sick? He shouldn't have talked to you the way that he did. But you know when you are an adult, depending on yourself to make a living, sometimes you need to go to work when you "don't feel like it" because otherwise you'll lose your job and fuck your life up. Just saying. If its something you've done a lot, he is probably just frustrated with your behavior and, believe it or not, was trying to make you angry and motivated to change your behavior.
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Django
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Django » Wed Apr 22, 2015 12:53 am

Two questions, nothing personal

How old are you? Also, how fat are you?

First one ,because i know for sure the american fathers (not to start shit, but i mean specifically US born) do lack a lot of culture when it comes to raising kids
, all they do is copy paste what they learned from their parents ,and that's probably nothing, as they were probably baby boomers, in other words "accidents" of an euphoric
sex-crazed post war celebration.

All i see if them pressuring their sons to do all this menial shit work before you're 18 (yardwork, mc donalds jobs, etc) when it's completely unnecessary or irrelevant
maintaining the household. But cuz america, it's all cool once they lend you the family car/buy a car for you (aka he didn't give you a responsability,
he just bought you a toy).

Then after graduation, they just want to kick them out of the house. Like go be self sufficient or something ,but don't ask me.

In the 200,000 years or so of human history and prehistory, no culture closes the doors nor antagonizes their own fucking biological offspring.
So, no pressure on anything.

Alright, question number 2. How lazy/fat are you? Cause if you really are, then that might be a legitimate concern for him for your physical and mental health.
Like maybe he doesn't want you not being able to enjoy somethings/be happy with yourself if you are that unhealthy. However, if he is fat/unhealthy himself, then
no reasons to give a fuck about losing weight and shit.

TL:TR version

Image
-your post-

Image
Your faults as a son is my failure as a father

-reality-
Image
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Glitch
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Glitch » Wed Apr 22, 2015 1:31 am

Your dad is a fucking asshole and you have the complete right to hate his stupid fucking face. Nobody is perfect but that doens't mean he gets to be AN ASSHOLE TO HIS CHILD. Your father is abusive as fuck. Get the fuck out when you have the chance because that's a terrible environment to live in.
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timtoborne
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Re: Family Problems

Post by timtoborne » Wed Apr 22, 2015 1:35 am

@Django I'm 17, and while I am husky, I'm far from unhealthy. I get what your saying, but whether or not he actually cares should be determined within the next few days, I hope what you say reality is actually, well, IS. Thanks forreading my post, Django I needed to vent and I hope I didn't waste your time.

@Glitch he's no where near as bad as some parents who beat their children. I just hope that this "abuse" doesn't have some lasting effect on me later in life. I'll be pissed then.

@Others, I apologize I can't reply to all of you, (don't have time or patience), but I know that I could've handled the situation better and my mother is making us resolve this with level heads later in the week. But it's not just because I'm a teenager. I would have no problem with him yelling at me if he did the same to my two younger brothers when ever they do something similar. He raises them up if they do the same thing I did, but yells at me. If he treated us equally, I'd never think twice about it. night guys, sorry to waste your time.
Steam is BLU_Collar, PSN is GGLinear, and my LoL account name is Somber Rites.

It's been years since I've spoken with any of you, but if you ever want to play or just talk, feel free to contact me.
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Glitch
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Glitch » Wed Apr 22, 2015 1:56 am

It's not "abuse", it IS abuse. It doesn't matter that he's not beating you, he's still abusing you. Calling you a fat fuck isn't something a father should do. Telling your mother to support him 100% no matter what is fucking bullshit. Find the courage to stand up for yourself, put him back in his place, talk to your mom, talk to your brothers. You need to make him cut this shit out, right now. It's not okay for him to say things like that. Don't take this lightly.
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Platty
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Platty » Wed Apr 22, 2015 2:22 am

Glitch wrote:It's not "abuse", it IS abuse. It doesn't matter that he's not beating you, he's still abusing you. Calling you a fat fuck isn't something a father should do. Telling your mother to support him 100% no matter what is fucking bullshit. Find the courage to stand up for yourself, put him back in his place, talk to your mom, talk to your brothers. You need to make him cut this shit out, right now. It's not okay for him to say things like that. Don't take this lightly.
Don't take this approach, please. This just leads to more discomfort and a very hostile, and unlivable environment.

Right, so. With this being said -

Your dad has a right as your father to say to you what he thinks. YOU, in YOUR right, have the right to speak your mind. If he has done this in the past, in any circumstance, you need to tell him that it's not okay for him to say those things to you. Now, while my father has never said anything like this to me - my mother has. She's called me a bastard, unruly, and lazy, and pretty much anything to do with anything around that subject. I have retaliated in many occasion with a few lashes myself. I lived a year with my mother and me fighting DAILY and neither of us getting anywhere - I basically avoided her. I now speak with, joke with, and deal with my mother on a daily basis. I told her what she said had greatly affected how we had been living, she agreed, she apologized (as did I), and we moved on.

You need to speak to your father. Level headed. No harsh words, tones, or looks. He needs to understand that no matter how bad you piss him off, he is not above you if he's acting like a child. If he continues to do so, you need to have weekly/daily sit-down talks with him.

Glitch, in all respect - Your theory is a lack of experience and straight vengeance. If he retaliates in the way that his father did to him, he could make that situation a thousand times worse. And with younger siblings in the house, that is an extremely bad idea.
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Waterbear » Wed Apr 22, 2015 11:50 am

If you're still in high school, try talking to a school counselor about it. Like you said, he's not actually physically abusing you, so I don't know if the counselor would/could call CPS on your family (if you're worried about disrupting your family or that sort of thing), however they ARE professionals and can help you out by giving you a place to vent and ways to deal with this verbal abuse until you can move out. I agree with Glitch though that this is definitely not okay, it certainly isn't something "all parents do".
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timtoborne
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Re: Family Problems

Post by timtoborne » Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:12 pm

@Platty, I've known my father for 17 years, 14 of which I've been learning more and more about him. He's not a reasonable man, he's 52, and is very set in his ways. Talking gets no where with him, as he'll just interrupt. I won't bring it up out of the blue because, well I see no point as there is no easily ready example of how he shouldn't act. I'll try to talk to him level-headedly, but whether or not that'll work depends on his willingness to change his tune.
Steam is BLU_Collar, PSN is GGLinear, and my LoL account name is Somber Rites.

It's been years since I've spoken with any of you, but if you ever want to play or just talk, feel free to contact me.
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Re: Family Problems

Post by Platty » Wed Apr 22, 2015 11:48 pm

Here's the thing - You have to be as blunt as you can and as forward as you can about this. you don't want to yell at him, and you don't want to give him a reason to yell. Just tell him that you've been pushed around enough and you're tired of it. Tell him how his actions are affecting you and the rest of the family. If he doesn't get it still, you're going to have to go to the extreme.

Soon enough you're going to get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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